This I tell to myself when I wake up everyday, to cope with the myriad of annoying little things the iPhone has.

You see, we’re better because:

• We’re rich. We don’t need a crappy phone that’s able to use GPS and maps while is not connected. That’s for losers. We prefer to stay in areas with 3G coverage, just where the money is and we can spend it. Like, a Louis Vuitton store. Can you picture a Louis Vuitton store right in the middle of the savannah? That would be like a safari, and the only Safari we do is our browser.
• We’re better drivers. We can drive with one hand while scrolling the screen of the Maps application with the other. Yes, the application doesn’t scroll automatically when you drive outside the boundaries of the map displayed in the iPhone but, you know, Apple did that on purpose because they want us to be even better drivers. Show the other guys not having an Apple sticker who’s the king of the road!
• We’ve got better memory. Copy and paste is for sissies. If any Apple believer can recall every single Steve’s keynote and how many times he said “Boom!” (so say we all), you for sure can remember whatever it is any other lazy Simbian user needs cut & paste for.
• We’re more disciplined. We don’t need push events nor birthday’s alarms like those sloppy crackberry addicts. Sleekiness exhaled by Apple products makes us disciplined enough to check calendar, mail, twitter and so on on a regular basis and enjoy it.
• We’re wiser. We need no background execution. That’s losing focus. Apple wants to be living examples of awareness. Parallelizing is not the path. Kill the Buddha!
• We’re loved and popular. VCards are for people craving to be remembered. iPhone users have such a pose everyone will remember us and every single detail of our contact information forever, no matter how much time of our presence we’ve gifted the guy with.
• We don’t do porn: we produce porn. Meaning we don’t need useless low resolution MMS messages to send your friends a sneaked picture of your neighbor boobies or the postman ass. We do the real stuff, with Final Cut pro, a Sony HD 1080p video camera and of course, a Mac Pro. And yes, we share it with MobileMe.
• We’re happier. Apple makes life easier for us. No need to worry about synchronization issues with more than one computer; Apple took care of that making it impossible. Nor getting music from other sources than iTunes, because it’s not possible either. Is there any other way to buy music anyway?
• We can feel real love. You poor Windows Mobile users will never get it. Because you’ve never endured the needling pain that is waiting for your love to come back from repairs after being forced to reset to factory defaults the memories so happily shared to keep Apple away from the the naked truth of your jailbroken passion. That’s why non iPhone owners will never truly understand “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”.
• We’ve got more money. Yeah, I hate to say it again but it’s true, buddies. Why having a decent flash camera in your phone when you could carry a much better ultra slim point-and-shoot one that shoots hypercool pictures?. Just carrying the phone’s camera with you is so lame, and you guys should know it.

If this doesn’t work, repeat the mantra with me:

There’s no UI but Apple’s touch UI.
Nokia is getting it all wrong.
I don’t really want a Nokia.
Gaaahhhh!!!

What kind of fruit is a Nokia anyway?